Haven’t you ever been haunted by a memory?
After a breakup, the one thing that you’ll probably want to do is to try not to think about that person. Usually, you’ll succeed after a while (because if you don’t you’ll just go crazy), by finding ways to occupy your time and your thoughts. But of course, you can’t avoid thinking about her forever. Even when they’re unwanted, memories can suddenly flash into your head, reminding you of moments past with the slightest of reminders.
It doesn’t have to be much, so sometimes an otherwise innocuous thought or action can send you down a trail full of memories. Walking down a street, hearing a word or a turn of phrase, seeing the night sky, these innocent actions can bring back some powerful memories.
"This used to be one of our favourite restaurants."
"We used to go to this coffeshop."
"She always does that."
"That’s what she would have said."
When I told a friend about this, he said " Why are you tormenting yourself like this? Just try and forget it." But that’s just what I was trying to do! I wasn’t digging up these memories on purpose just to hurt myself. My thought processes were so embedded with memories of her, my brain brings up thoughts that I’d rather forget.
Deep down, however, I know that I’d rather not forget these memories entirely. I know that painful memories may turn into treasured ones once enough time has passed. (How do I know this? Because I’ve been through this process before.) There will come a time that I will be able to look back on those days, not in pain or regret, but in fondness of a shared experience.
So, in many ways, memories are indeed both a curse and a blessing. They remind us of moments that can never to be regained, and mistakes that can never be undone. But memories can also make us aware of how lucky we are, to be able to have such experiences in the first place. Another way of looking at it is to think that your present feelings cannot change how you felt in the past. The important thing is to learn from past mistakes, accept the present situation, and look towards the future. Only then will memories become a true blessing.